Van Helsing - The Game
Posted by 7th on July 30, 2004

Back in 1999, I was riding high on the purchase of my Sega Dreamcast. Every spare cent I had that wasn't going towards gas, bills, and food was going to buying games for this little 128-Bit dream machine (which is still one of my favorite systems.) One of those titles would prove to be one of my all-time favorite action games, an Eidos port entitled Sword of The Berserk: Gut's Rage.

It was a 3D action slash 'em up based on the magnificent manga/anime series Berserk. You took on the role of Gatsu, rogue mercenary and proprietor of maximum kick ass. Gatsu carried a huge fucking sword that could be put to good use hacking your enemies into itty bitty bits, occasionally going into a blood lust rage that would leave every enemy on screen lying in pieces, twitching until they vanished (as all dead video game characters tend to do.)

Just a few scant years later, my precious Dreamcast was discontinued. I spent that year (2001) downloading every Dreamcast game I could get my hands on, until I'd amassed a library of over 128 titles (of which I only paid for twenty.) But it wasn't enough. I was angry. And as much as I didn't want to admit defeat, I eventually broke down and bought a Playstation 2. That Christmas, my wife gifted me with a little PS2 title called Devil May Cry. The minute Dante first drew his sword, I was in heaven. Once again, I was able to lay waste to my opponents with mass damage and high flying maneuvers, all the while screaming "Yeah, take that ya three-headed fuck!", my mentality instantly dropping to twelve years old once the controller was in my hands.

Flash forward to 2004. Devil May Cry 2 came out over a year ago, and was a far cry from the original in terms of quality. Chaos Legion promised to live up to DMC2's unattained expectations, but alas, was nothing more than a button masher with no strategy or exploration to be found. A new 3D incarnation of Castlevania hit the shelves, with amazing graphics and surprisingly deep gameplay, but a whip just didn't have the same impact as a sword and those dual pistols...

And then one day, after having seen the abortion that is Van Helsing, I walked past the Electronics boutique, and saw that they had a demo of the Van Helsing video game running on an Xbox kiosk. I stopped to take a look, and immediately had to stifle a laugh. But I'll get to that in a minute.

To say that video games based on movies have sucked in the past is to understate the obvious. Rarely has a video game based on a movie ever been worth a damn, from ET: The Extra Terrestrial for the Atari 2600 right on up to last year's Starsky and Hutch. The worst (if you discount ET) was probably Cut Throat Island for the Sega Genesis, but don't quote me on that. I'm sure some of you avid game fanatics could list off a few yourself.

The PS2 has, for the most part, avoided this quandary. Activision's series of Spider-man games based on the hit films, for example, are quite good, easily some of the best action games on the system. Then again, there's been Shrek 2... and Treasure Planet... and the Hulk... And now, there's Van Helsing.

Van Helsing is, when it boils right down to it, a pretty good game. It was even cooler when it was called Devil May Cry, but it's a cool game nonetheless. You take on the pivotal role of Gabriel Van Helsing, hired gun of the Roman Catholic Church, stomping across Europe laying waste to demons, monsters, and the genetically undesirable. I won't go into the plot, since it (more or less) follows the plot of the film. Suffice it to say, it's a 3D action adventure that is so much like Devil May Cry, the first time I saw it I did a spit take, a double-take, then played paddy cake with Jessica Rabbit... but only in my darkest fanta... AHEM.

The control scheme will feel like putting on a well-worn, comfortable pair of drawers for Devil May Cry veterans: unrestrictive, pliable, and yet somehow unpleasant. Van Helsing for the most part is quite responsive, but can be a bit twitchy in regards to the camera.

The camera is this game's most difficult villain to defeat. Borrowing a page from the Resident Evil series, Van Helsing uses fixed camera angles, which only change when you move from one designated area to another. This can cause you to be fighting through blind spots in some areas, while in others you're so far away from the camera that Van Helsing looks more like a gun-toting ant than anything else.

The brightest star in this merely passable title are the weapons. Oh glory be, the weapons. You have swords... spinning hand razors... guns... rifles... electromagnetic whosiwhatsises... all sorts of goodies to rend, tear, and otherwise eviscerate your enemies with great flourish. Each weapon also comes with an alternative, more powerful mode that can be used temporarily in short bursts.

But the best control feature is the dodge button. You'll be hitting this as much as the fire button, believe me. Through most of the game, you can walk from one end of a level to another without taking a single scratch, so long as you keep alternative between the fire button and the dodge button. The enemy AI is atrocious, which is one thing they DIDN'T port from DMC... It's not quite as bad as the seemingly suicidal soldiers from Drakengard, but it ain't much better.

The music is top-notch, ported directly over from the film, and it shows. It amazes me how many games are still released these days with thin, tinny soundtracks that sound like they were programmed on a Miditrack somewhere in some designer's basement. When a game like this comes out, it really shows how only a few gaming companies these days (Square for example) go above and beyond to create an engaging soundtrack. Then again, you can swear headphones to a Britney Spears concert and blare Avril Levigne at top volume... Britny's still gonna suck.

The graphics are tight. This game definitely LOOKS good. All the major players from the film, plus many of the set pieces, are hear to enjoy and explore. The game designers did a surprising good job of masking Jackman's face onto their polygons in this one, which was a bold choice, since this effect usually looks too square and awkward, like the actor's had his head jammed in an elevator. The lighting effects are bright and crisp, possibly some of the best I've seen on the system. Gunshots look fantastic, plenty of barrel fire and gunsmoke. The only anomaly as far as I can tell is that as you progress, you get bettwer defensive garments... Unfortunately, one of these is a brown leather trench coat that makes Van Helsing look exactly like a certain famous archaeologist. Intentional? I wouldn't be surprised. After all, if the Mummy movies succeed in nothing else, it's in proving that Sommers was a Raiders fan, and I don't mean the football team.

Now one thing you WON'T find in this game is any semblence of a replay factor. I breazed through this "barely more than a mini" game in just under five hours. Oh sure, I didn't go after every single item or explore every single dark nook and cranny, but I made it from beginning to end in a surprisingly short spanse of time. Thank God I bought it used, otherwise I'd almost feel like I was robbed. Then again, I bought a Gamecube just so I could play Mario Sunshine and Zelda: The Wind Waker, so perhaps I'm not the best judge of what is and what isn't a wise purchase to begin with.

Pretty much everything available in the game is unlocked from the starting gate. Once you beat it in normal mode, Hard mode becomes available. But as best as I could tell, the only change they made was to how rapidly the boss character's life bar depletes... It takes a few more rounds to finish off a boss in hard mode. And should you complete it, do you know what you get? Super Big Head Mode! How fucking original! I've never seen an optional giant head mode in a video game before!

So what does that leave you with? An action game that's far too short, with graphics and play mechanics that are far too derivative, based on a movie that is far too dumb, even for the American general public. Do yourself a favor. If, for some ungodly reason you get the urge to pop down to the dollar theater to check out Van Helsing, and then visit the Wal-mart to shell out 50.00 bucks for this game, Rent Vampire Hunter D and buy Devil May Cry instead. It's a cheaper option, with more pleasant results. Leave Van Helsing on the shelf till it hits the bargain bin. Then it'll be safe to buy. One can always use another coaster, after all.

-=7th=-