7th Invades Walt Disney World Part 3: Disney/MGM Studios
Posted by 7th on December 02, 2004

Well it's been a long time since I did one of these! Of course, for those of you who are regular readers here, you know that I am no longer a Disney "Castmember." But I am still up-to-date on my Disneyana, facts and figures, and so on! So here we go, another online tour to help you plan your Disney day... This time, we're going to visit Disney/MGM studios. (This article is very graphics intensive. For those of you not on broadband or a network connection, this page may load very slowly, and some pics may not populate at all. If this happens, just right click on the red X and choose "show picture.")

First off, a little itty bit of history. Just a little this time, I promise. In the mid-80's, Disney was still running with only the Magic Kingdom and EPCOT Center, and still beating out Busch Gardens, their closest competitor at the time, and without even having a steel coaster to pull in the teen crowd.

And then, around 1986 or so, Universal announced plans to build a version of its popular California studio theme park in Orlando. Michael Eisner got word of this, and it instantly dawned on him that he had nothing to compete with a behind-the-scenes movie park. So he gave the Imagineers his debit card and sent them on their way. Three years later (and more than a full year before Universal Studios Florida opened) Disney/MGM Studios opened... to extremely lackluster reviews.

To get the park opened in time, the Imagineers had focused more on shows than rides to pull the crowds in, banking on an interest in movie making to cover the lack of actual things to do. It didn't. People bitched. They felt (and rightly so) that if Disney was just going to open three rides at MGM, they should've just built them at the Magic Kingdom and saved the guest the cost of another park ticket. (The practice of opening a park with just three to four rides to add another ticket buy to the guest's visit was revisited in 1998 when Disney opened Animal Kingdom, the largest park on property with (at the time) very little to do. But more on it later.)

But that was 1989. Now it's 2004. Surely the park has TONS more to do than it did when it opened, right? Weeeellll....

The first thing you'll notice is the 1950's art deco look of the place. They were really trying for a mid-20th century Hollywood look. The first area you come to is Hollywood St, which (just like main street) is nothing but gift shops. To your right is a fake gas station that's actually a wheel chair rental shop. Behind here is a backstage door that leads to the Fantasmic Theater. This is where you'll go if you get the Fantasmic Dinner Package. but more on that later.

The first "Oh Wow!" sight you'll see is Mickey's Sorceror hat, the "icon" of Disney/MGM Studios. In 2000, when they were gearing up for their Hundred years Of Magic celebration (in honor of Walt's 100th birthday) they decided that MGM needed an icon. The Magic Kingdom had Cinderella's Castle, EPCOT had Spaceship Earth, and even Animal Kingdom had The Tree Of Life (or as we called it, Rafiki's Tree.) All MGM had was a water tower with mouse ears on it, playfully referred to as "The Earful Tower."

So this hat was built. Underneath it is a kiosk where you can access by touch-screen information on just about any Disney topic (this system is basically a prettied-up version of the Disney CASTPortal, an online information database that castmembers can access from home, work or the parks.)

From here, you can head to any area of the park. First up, let's take a look at Sunset Boulevard. Sunset Boulevard is actually the newest area of MGM studios. The raod didn't even exist when the park opened. It is the heaviest area trafficwise, because it houses the two most popular rides in the park, and the two most popular shows. We'll start with:

1)The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror

When I was a kid, I used to go to Six Flags over Georgia a lot. One of their rides at that time was called the Georgia Free Fall. You got on what was essentially a four seater freight elevator, went up about 12 floors, then was dropped. the Tower of Terror is essentially the same concept, but Disnified.

As with all Disney attractions, there's a story. This hotel was supposedly THE hotspot for Hollyood stars during the 40's. But one night, as a young Shirley Templeish starlet and her family were boarding the elevator, terror struck the tower elevator (see what I did there?) in the form of lightning. The passengers inside were obliterated to ash, the elevator falling 13 stories and crashig into the basement below.

Now, the hotel has been opened for a tour.

You take a winding path around the hotel to the front entrance. Inside is an actual hotel lobby... dusty, but otherwise not to dissimilar from any other hotel lobby you've been in. A bellhop leads you to the "library," where the lights go out, and the TV comes on... Rod Serling appears and tells you the story I just conveyed above, and then adds that now YOU will get to ride the same elevator on a ride that ends... IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE! BUM-BUM-BUM-BAAAAAH!!! But before we get to that, let me show you something that'll give you an idea of why people keep coming back to these parks over and over. Before entering the library, you walk past a bulletin board with several letters missing. The names and times on it are all blatantly tongue-in-cheek fake. I'd gotten bored with reading them years ago. But then, on one of my last visits, I noticed that the missing letters were lying at the bottom of the sign... here, check this out:

In case you can't read that, it says "EVIL TOWER. U R DOOMED."

This ride has been open in one form or another since 1992, and I'd never noticed this before. It just goes to show you how, love 'em or hate 'em, Disney is always trying to keep things fresh, so you'll always see something new.

But back to the ride. You're lead to the boiler room, and are seated on a freight elevator. There are no lap bars anymore. Each seat has a regular cloth seat belt. You're snapped in, the doors close, and the elevator goes up.

The doors open. You're looking down into one of the hotel's hallways. Right before your eyes, the ghosts of those who were killed in th elevator appear. Then lightning strikes and fills the hallway. The ghosts vanish, and shortly thereafter, the hallway does too, replaced by a vast, seemingly endless star field... Hey, what's that coming closer?! Why, it's a very familiar looking window! Oh no, we just smashed into it! Do-do-do-do, do-do-do-do, NEXT FLOOR!

The doors open again, and BAM! You're in the "Twilight Zone," with various ghoulies and weird clocks and other glowing apparitions surrounding you. The elevator LEAVES the shaft and moves forward through this gap between realities. Once you reach the end everything goes black, and you hear Rod Serling inviting you to... THE TWILIGHT ZONE.

The lights come on, and you're directly in front of a brick wall. All of a sudden, the world drops out from under you and you fall straight down, causing your ass to fly up out of your seat. Then, you shoot right back up, and you see this:

The original lightning strike blasted away the elevator shaft "towers" that stuck out from the main building structure, so these elevator doors open up to the outdoors, gleefully letting the guest know just exactly how high up they are. Then, after a picture is taken by a mounted "buy-this-souvenir" camera, you're dropped again, about halfway. There, you see several ghosts sticking out of the wall with several of the elevator's cables torn to shreds. Then up again. Then down again. And so on. Finally, after you've been thrown up and down 13 stories like a human yo-yo, you come to rest, and Rod tells you "Welcome back for those of you who made it."

Now when the ride originally opened, you had the first dark drop, then you shot up once, then dropped, and that was that. People complained that there wasn't enough dropage for the line you had to wait through, so it was increased to two. Now, it's Dark Tower revision 4. The system now runs in full random. Every ride is different from the last. The tagline for this revision? "Good News. We Made It Worse." A couple years back, the ride brakes malfunctioned, causing the elevator to crash to the bottom instead of air braking to a stop. No one was killed, but there were a few neckbraced lawsuits that came out of it. And even though the system has been updated and made safer since then, I still know people who flat out refuse to ride it. For some, it really is that bad. I think it's pretty fun, but my favorite is located next door.

2) The Rock N' Roller Coaster Starring Aerosmith

Next to Mission: Space in EPCOT, this is about the coolest ride on property. Here's the gist. This is the home of G-Force Records, recording studio to the stars. As you enter the main "soundstage," Aerosmith is there mixing their newest album (they're depicted on a movie screen on the other side of the room, made to appear as though they're on the other side of the mixing room's window.) They notice you watching, and welcome you to G-Force. Just then, their manager bursts into the room and says "Come on guys, the concert starts in five minutes, we've gotta get you to the collosium!"

"Yeah," says Steven Tyler, "but what about our fans? We can't just leave them here!"

Rest of the band: "Yeah!"

"Okay," she says, "We'll give them backstage passes."

The back doors open up behind them, revealing a waiting limo. They start to pile in. "Hey," Tyler says, "how they gonna get there in time?"

The manager huffs, and flips open her cell phone. "Hey, we need another limo down here, the fastest one you've got. We need a sretch." She looks out at you. "Better make that a SUPER stretch."

She then bails out the door, and jumps in the limo, as we see Tyler appear through the sun roof as the limo peels out.

You're then lead to a "back alley" area, and are loaded into this:

A roller coaster made to look like a chop-topped stretch limo from the fifties. One thing you'll notice as they strap you in are the huge speakers mounted in the headrest. Obviously, this is more than just your average coaster experience.

Now normally, you'd go up a lift hill to get you going. Not this ride. You pull around a corner and stop at the entrance to a street tunnel, as pictured above. The radio snaps on. It's the local rock deejay, broadcasting live from the Aerosmith concert. You hear the roar of the crowd. The sign above the street tunnel says "Prepare To Shake, Rattle and Roll!" You hear Steven Tyler let out one of his trademark "KI-KI-KI-KI-KI-KI-KI-KOWWWW'S!" and you hear screeching tires... the next thing you know, the linear-induction motor system kicks in, and you're rocketed from 0 to 60 MPH in 2 seconds, throwing you back into your seat. You come around a corner, and go instantly into a cobra roll (this is where you loop, then loop again as you're in midair before coming back down) in the dark, surrounded by blacklight-painted streets signs as you race towards the "collosium," and all the while Aerosmith music is blasting in your ears, both from the speakers behind your head, and from the 30,000+ watt stereo system inside the ride building. You go through a couple more conversions, then whipsnap around, down and through the "O" in the Hollywood sign, and finally come to a stop in the back alley behind the Collosium. The entire ride takes, oh, perhaps two minutes, but it's one hell of a rush.

3) The Beauty And The Beast Stage Show

The brochure describes this show as a "broadway" style musical extravaganza. And it is quite elaborate. The theater is a scaled down copy of the Hollywood Bowl... the costumes look great, the lighting's fantastic, and the sets are well done... but it's just twenty minutes long... and if you want a seat that's not in the nose bleeds, you have to wait twice that long. There's not a single song in the show that you haven't heard (and heard sung better) on the DVD. If you have a little girl, this is a must-see, otherwise, my advice would be to skip it. The only redeeming bit for me was to hear the performer playing Gaston do his "Every last inch of me's covered in HAIR!" line with a straight face in front of a thousand people.

Also located back here is the main stage show of Disney/MGM, a show unlike anything else you'll see on property. Depending on the time of year you go, they may have this show once or twice a night, but definitely make sure you stay long enough to see it. Of course, I'm speaking of none other than...

4)Fantasmic!

Now THIS is an extravaganza. This show encorporates over 40 disney characters, fireworks, laser lights, optical effects like none you've ever seen, songs, dance numbers, boats, and an audio-animatronic fire-breathing dragon.

Basically, the "bad" guys from Disney try to take over Mickey's imagination and use it to take over the world. So Mickey, with the help of his friends (and that amazing imagination of his... remember, to castmembers, Mickey IS Walt) Mickey fights back and wins the day. It's a massive, mano-a-mano, fight to the death between Mickey and the Disney Villains, culminating in Mickey's fight with Malificent in her dragon form.

This show has some of the most amazing effects you'll see on property. Perhaps the most striking are these "walls of mist" that are sprayed up between the stage and the audience (this is an outdoor show, hence the fireworks) and video footage from some of the films are projected onto these mist walls, making it appear as though a wavering, ghostly movie is playing in mid-air.

The grand finale includes Mickey, dressed in his original 1928 Steamboat Willy costume, come boating out on his steamboat across the small lagoon that surrounds the stage, accompanied by about 45 of his friends. Fireworks fill the night sky, lasers shoot about everywhere, and then, it all vanishes, and we see Mickey, dressed in a different costume, standing alone in the spotlight. "How's that for using your imagination?" he says, then disappears in a burst of flame (this is based on my memory of the show from 2002. Not sure if it's changed since then.)

When I was working there, Disney unveiled the "Fantasmic Dinner Package." Now this isn't like the dinner shows, nor is it like the Fantasmic Dinner Show at Disneyland. You cannot watch the show AS you eat. Basically, you pay a set price to eat at one of MGM's four priority seating restaurants, and get "guaranteed seating" for Fantasmic. You do NOT get guaranteed assigned seats. You're guaranteed seats in a cordoned off area, and have to take whatever's available. So don't bother calling in to book it and expecting to reserve seats on the front row. Once you get into the "special seating" area, you have to take what you can get. So before we get into the rest of the park, allow me to describe the restaurants you can choose from. (But first, let me also mention that I have been informed that Disney now has an outdoor buffet dinner show experience for this attraction, but that it costs major buckage.)

1) The Hollywood Brown Derby

This is the most expensive restaurant in the park. It's themed after the famous Brown Derby hang out in Hollywood where old school stars like Bardot and Gable hung out. Their kid's menu sucks, so avoid this place like the plague if you have young 'uns. Great place for a dinner date though.

2) Mama Melrose's Italian Cafe

GREAT restaurant. Nice, comfortable and inviting ambiance, friendly staff, and a great menu. Just keep in mind, you'll be getting what is essentially Carraba's quality food, but you'll be paying about 30% more than what you'd pay at a Carraba's.

3) The Hollywood and Vine Cafe Of The Stars

People used to flock to this restaurant because it was the only place in Disney/MGM Studios where you could book a character breakfast/lunch/dinner. For some reason in early 2003, Disney cancelled all character meals and turned this restaurant into a dinner only establishment, open from 4 pm to park closing. No more Mickey, no more Minnie, no more nothing. It's a bare bones, all you can eat dinner buffet that's barely above the quality of your standard Picadilly.

For the Fantasmic Dinner Package, that's it. Those are your choices. Now here's what I'D do. I'd take my chances on eating early and getting in line for Fantasmic an hour and a half early (you have to be there 45 minutes prior even for the dinner package) and eat cheaper by eating at one of the following restaurants:

1) The Sci-Fi Dine In

This is the coolest restaurant in the park. It's made to resemble a a drive-in movie theater nestled in the Hollwood Hills sometime in the fifties. There's a full size movie theater screen that shows nothing but cheesy coming attractions of b-movies from that era (Plan 9 From Outter Space and so on) but the coolest part are the tables. They're all shaped like classic era cars. The waitors and waitresses are dressed like your typical drive-in servers of that day and age. And the menu is a lot more affordable (the cuisine is similar to what you'd find in an Applebee's.)

2)The Prime Time Cafe

Okay, this one is kinda screwed up. When you walk in, you're in a living room that looks like it popped straight out of the fifties (ever seen the Jerry Lee Lewis movie Great Balls of Fire? Remember the tackey living room of the house he buys for his teen cousin bride? There ya go.) You're lead by a waiter to your table, which is made to look like a breakfast nook in a kitchen from a fifties era home. Each table has a TV that plays old tv shows like Leave It To Beaver and the like. And the whole restaurant is ruled over by a loud, overbearing woman everyone calls "Mom." If you rest your elbows on the table, she'll get onto you. If you don't finish your vegetables, she'll threaten to not let you order dessert. If you pick at your food, she'll berate you in a motherly sort of way. And whatever you do, do NOT ask this woman where the bathroom is.

"Hey everyone! Let's all point for Mikey where the potty is!"

3) The Toy Story Pizza Planet

First off, this is NOT a priority seating establishment. It's strictly walk-in only. It's based on the Pizza Planet restaurant from the first Toy Story movie (though it doesn't look like it. It has more of a brick motif, where the one in the film was shaped like a giant rocket ship.) Inside you'll find pizza and other Italian fare, and numerous arcade games and prize machines for your kids to waste money on (including a prize machine that doles out a certain green, multi-eyed lifeform.)

I recommend this restaurant for the fun factor (Pixar fans will love to eat here) and for those kids who are Toy Story fans. You see, besides the parade, this is the only place on the property where you have a real good shot of seeing Woody and Buzz Lightyear. Check with the information booth at the front of the park for a schedule that'll let you know when Buzz and Woody will be stopping by.

One last note on Fantasmic. It's not the original show that was planned. Back when they first started putting up billboards for the Tower of Terror, I went to MGM, and in the front of the park was a billboard advertising a new upcoming attraction: David Copperfield's World Of Illusion. Apparently, something fell through, and Disney had this huge stage and theater built with nothing to show in it. Overall, I think it turned out for the best.

Now that the dining's all taken care of, let's leave Sunset Boulevard and move back to the Wizard's hat, behind which we find:

5) The Great Movie Ride

I loved this little number back when it first opened, but now, 15 years later, I think it really needs an overhaul...

The ride building is housed inside a mock up of the famous Chinese Theater in Hollywood. Inside is made to resemble their lobby, where several pieces of Hollywood memorabilia are on display (Dorothy's Ruby slippers, one of the carousel horses from Mary Poppins, etc.) Most of the queue line is inside a rather large "old school" movie theater, the screen playing a montage of famous movie clips. Once you make it past this, you board for your adventure.

Basically, you're seated in a ride vehicle extremely similar to the "moving theater" seats from Ellen's Energy Adventure in EPCOT. A Tour guide at the front of the vehicle narrates your trip as you journey through some of the greatest moments in the movies. You'll see a scene from one of Hollywood's old "water ballet" films. You'll see John Wayne seated on a horse across from a salloon where Clint Eastwood is lighting a cigarette. You'll see Spencer Tracy glaring out from behind a door, just before you're jumped by either cowboy bank robbers or gangsters (it varies from ride to ride.) Your tour guide vanishes and is replaced by one of the villains. You then continue on through the corridors of the Nostromo, where you see Ripley hiding in a corridor from the Aliens waiting to leap down at you from the ceiling.

From there you enter the Well of Souls, where Indy and Sallah are lifting the Ark from its crypt (look close, and you'll notice that two of the heiroglyphics look strangely like a certain famous mouse and duck.) Then you move further into the tomb, where red eyed mummies watch you. To your right is a giant statue of an Egyptian god, a giant red jewel stuck in its neck. Your kidnapper stops the ride, hellbent on getting that jewel. But a hooded priest appears, and warns him/her not to take the jewel, for it bears a curse. He/she ignores it and touches the jewel. He/she is engulfed in smoke. When the smoke clears, only a skeleton remains. The priest removes their cloak to reveal that.. SURPRISE! It's your tour guide! Applause ensues, and the ride continues. You'll see Mickey's clifftop performance from The Sorceror's Apprentice, you'll see Tarzan swing from the trees. You'll see Bogart's goodbye scene from Casablanca. And most annoyingly, you'll see this:

Yes, it's the Munchkin village from The Wizard of Oz, Dorothy's house and all. Just as the Munchkins emerge from their homes to sing to you in their annoying, high-pitched Chipmunkesque voices, the Wicked Witch of The West appears (this is all animatronic.) She threatens you for killing her sister. Your tour guide threatens to drop a house on her, and she vanishes in a puff of green smoke, but not before promising to get you... and your little dog, too.

The ride finally ends (it's about 10-12 minutes long) in a large theater room, where another montage of movie clips from the last 100 years are shown... everything from Snow White to Apocalypse now to Star Wars to Ernest Saves Christmas... it's a weird show...

When you leave the Chinese Theater, take a left, through the arch, and you'll come to:

6) Voyage Of The Little Mermaid

There's no other way to say it. This is a puppet show. Really, that's all it is. Ariel's played by a real (albiet shitty) actress/singer, and so is the Prince... everyone else is puppets. No animatronics here, no sir! The puppets are painted in blacklight paint, the puppeteers dressed in all black jumpsuits. The lights go out, the black lights go on, you see cartoon fish swimming around everywhere singing about living "under da sea!" The effects are pretty neat, you know the songs, the show's a good ten to fifteen minutes long, and it's nice and cool inside. It's a nice place to get out of the heat, but unless you have a daughter or are a big fan of the movie, it's highly skippable. Across fom it, you'll find:

7) Playhouse Disney: Live on Stage!

This is bsaically another puppet show. This one showcases characters from the Disney Channel's Playhouse Disney morning block: Bear In A Big Blue House, Stanley, Pooh and Friends, Rolie Polie Olie, and so on. There are no theater seats here. Everyone sits in the floor. There are castmembers who monitor the show and get kids involved in the show, doing conga line dances, catching soap bubbles, etc. It's a huge kidfest... there are kids everywhere, running around you, stepping on your fingers as you try to NOT get a backache from sitting Indian style for twenty minutes on carpet thinner than Mr. Burn's skin, kids yelling in your ears, kids spitting on you in their excitement, and the whole place is filled with the smells of Fruit Roll Ups, Kool-Aide, baby lotion, and poop.

Long story short: If you're not a parent, don't go in.

And for those of you who DO have Playhouse Disney watchers in the family, don't go in expecting to see the Wiggles. The Wiggles are real people (well, sort of) so you couldn't just have four guys pretending to be Greg, Anthony, Jeff, and Murray (can you tell I have a kid?)... the little ones would smell a rat... But no worries, mate! There's PLENTY of high priced Wiggles toys outside the theater on shelves JUUUST tall enough to be at a five year old's eye level. Wallets on standby...

Next, head to the back of this area. You can either take the backlot tour, or the animation tour.

8) The Back lot tour:

A few words about the backlot tour. I don't have any pics for it, because I've refused to ride it since they tore down Residential Street. This was the area where the Golden Girl's house was, where Ernest's house from his Saves Christmas movie was, an so on. Even the dog-shaped restaurant from The Rocketeer was there. Now, it's all gone, torn down to make room for some kind of motor stunt show from Disneyland Paris. Oh, I'm sure it'll be great, but come on! It was the Golden Girl's house! About a year ago I told Matt from XE about them tearing it down, and he had a day of mourning...

So here, lemme share one pic from this "experience" from when it was older:

Yep, it's the dip machine from Roger Rabbit. You'll pass by several old vehicles like this, including Walt Disney's private plane, cars from Blade runner and Dick Tracy, and a boat shaped like an SR-71 black bird from a really shitty, short-lived Disney TV show called "The Seven Lives of Black Jack Savage" or soemthing like that. I seem to recall seeing the pilot on the Disney Sunday Movie... I think it starred Carl Weathers, or Mario Van Peebles... someone of that calibur... not sure, and too lazy to check.

Then, you'll go into an area called Catastrophe Canyon, where a tanker truck blows up, and a dam breaks, sending a shitload of water coming right at your tour vehicle... kinda neat, but old after you've seen it a hundred times. Then you're taken back, where you can elect to continue on a walking tour of the studio, where you can see actual soundstages. The last time I went, one of them was being used to film TNT's Mortal Kombat: The Series. You know, the show that came on after WCW Nitro that none of you watched. Yeah, its been that long.

That done, you can now move on to another recently opened walking tour:

9) The Magic Of Disney Animation Tour

This tour ain't all that magical these days. You see, Eisner closed down the Orlando Animation studio when he cancelled all hand-drawn animation in favor of CGI offerings like the Pixar films. Used to, this tour would take you past windows that looked in on the actual Disney animators. The last time I took it, they were working on Mulan. There were drawings of Chinese warriors and armor everywhere. Now, this area is mostly empty, and covers more on the history of Disney Animation than what goes into it. I've heard that it now ends with a Disney "animator" (ie someone who's been trained especially for this tour) sitting down and teaching you how to draw a famous character, like Mickey, Donald, etc. Thi is nothing special, they've been offering that at Disney Quest for about five years now.

Okay, now since we're already over here, how would you like to take the time to make a fool of yourself in front of a lot of people by taking part in a concept that choked and died two years ago? You too? Well okay then!

10) Who Wants to Be A Millionaire - Play it!

First off, I HATE the name of this attraction. Every time I see it, I think "Who'd like to see my dick - And suck it!"

Stupid, stupid name. Take the "Play It!" off, and just have the damned show. Despite what you Disney execs think, your clientele are not ignorant.

You don't win anything... it's an exact replica of the show, with a guy standing in for Regis... same kinda questions, same rules... players are selected by random... but you don't win anything, except maybe a pin or tee-shirt or something like that. Blah blah blah, boring pretentious out-of-date shit. NEXT!

All that's left in this area is a museum of movie stuff (like Tim Allen's Santa Clause costume, Johnny Depp's Jack Sparrow costume, actual sets and miniatures used in Nightmare Before Christmas, the 3D chess table from the Millenium Falcon, and so on) so let's head across the central courtyard, where we'll first see:

11) The Indiana Jones Stunt Show Spectacular

This is the longest and most boring show on property. If they have to CALL it spectacular in its title, you know instantly that it isn't. Back in 1989, when the Indy movies were still fairly new (Last Crusade came out the same year) this was a pretty nifty show. But it hasn't changed one iota in those 15 years. It consists soley of several contrived set pieces used to "recreate" some of the most memorable stunt scenes from Raiders Of The Lost Ark. When I say contrived, I mean that they're PRETENDING to do stunts. They're stunting the fucking stunts!

Take one scene where a truck comes barreling around a corner, flips, and bursts into flames. Anyone with half a brain can see the truck is off scale, completely automated, and is mounted on a side pole on a track that "flips" it at the right moment, sets the fire, etc. Still, the "safety crew" comes and puts the fire out with extinguishers, and sets it up to where it appears a driver was inside.

Also included is the opening crypt scene where Indy steals the idol and is chased by a giant stone ball... only this time, Indy doesn't make it. It rolls right over him, just to prove how fake the ball is (by the way, the ball is also mounted on a pole and on tracks... and Indy has a trap door area he falls in to keep from being anti-smooshed by the fake ball that's fake rolling towards him.)

If you've seen the movie, there's nothing new to see here, other thn local yokels doing the same stunts BADLY.

12) Sounds Dangerous Starring Drew Carrey

This wasn't open the last time I went (Carrey'd been fired by then) so I have no pictures of this show. Basically, it's Drew and cohorts fucking around with a bunch of lame sound gags (kind of an audio version of his new Green Screen crapfest.) This used to be a Tim Allen Show, and at one point was a Disney Saturday Morning show staring Doug... In other words, this show changes constantly depending on what's hot at the time. Nine times out of ten when I walk past it, the place is closed. MOVING ON!

13) Star Tours

This ride first opened at Disneyland in 1987 (the unveiling special was hosted by Gil Gerard and Ernie Reyes Jr, who were starring together at the time in a shitty tv show calle Sidekicks, which was in turn based on a shitty Disney Sunday Movie called "The Electric Dragon."

Basically, it's a simple flight simulator based on Star Wars, and uses the same "bouncing room" system that Body Wars at EPCOT uses. Most of what's cool is what you see on th way in. Directly behind that mock up of the AT-AT is
a small mock-up of an Ewok Village. You can't climb on it or anything, it's just there for shade in case the line gets too long. If it were me, I'd at least put some kinda kiddie ride up there... maybe an "Ewok glider" version of the Dumbo ride system...

So then you walk inside the building... it's made to look like a sort of futuristic airport terminal. Right in front of you is one of the shuttles. It's being worked on by C-3PO and R2D2 (anmatronic of course.) They bicker back and forth. If you look to your upper left, you'll see this:

The flight control room, manned by two Mon Calamari. You're told that you're boarding for a pleasure cruise to Endor.

You board the ship, strap in, and the blast screen lowers to reveal your pilot, a diminutive little pilot droid voiced by Paul "Pee-Wee" Reubens. This is where Lucas stops and Disney takes over. He informs you that this is his first flight, then proceeds to nearly kill you during take off (the room moves in correlation to what you see on the screen, the footage having been done by ILM themselves.) He then follows the wrong flight path, nearly kills you flying through a giant comet, then ends up joining the rebels on their attack run of the Death Star trench... then nearly kills you during the landing, then you almost crash into another control room (this one manned by none other than George Lucas himself... you don't see him long though... he jumps under the counter as you approach.)

I used to love this ride... till I rode Mission: Space. Trust me, ride this BEFORE going to EPCOT, otherwise you'll be disappointed.

Now, on the way out, you'll walk through this:

This is an all Star Wars gift shop. Every time I come in here, find SOMETHING I want. Last time, it was a robotic R2D2 that you could program to respond to voice commands. Expensive, but a neat toy nonetheless. Every tee-shirt imaginable, all the figures, the vehicles, the books, the comics, the DVD's, all of it can be found here. This is probably my favorite store in this park.

Oh, and speaking of R2d2, take a gander at this:

Every summer, Disney/MGM has something they call Star Wars Weekends. It's a huge, weekend long Star Wars convention. There are "official" Jedis on hand to teach kids how to beat each other with plastic light sabers, Star Wars parades, and actual Star Wars actors... you can see Natalie Portman, Jake Lloyd, Carrie Fischer, Mark Hammill, Billy Dee Williams... short of Harrison Ford and the late Alec Guinness, they've all been there at one time or another. Last year it was Natalie Portman, the original Boba Fett, and I think the original Chewbacca... oh, and R2, as seen above. Pretty nifty if you ask me...

14) The Muppet 4D Movie

If you've seen a Muppet movie, you know what to expect here. Chickens, cows, and things, flying boomerang fish, radio-controlled creme pies, and a giant furry monster thing who comes running out into the crowd. Guys like him and the two old men in the balcny are why they call it a "4D" movie... it's a mixture of the 3D film and real time effects. I still laugh no matter how many times I see it. Good stuff.

15) The New York/Chicago/San Francisco Street Area

San Francisco and Chicago are still being worked on, so I only have pictures of the New York Strip... this is basically an area made to look like a road in downtown New York... since they tore down the Residential area, it's also where the Christmas Spectacle of Lights is put on, along with "snow" (tiny clusters of soap bubbles) and hot cocoa and cookies given out... There used to be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle show around this area when the movies were still hot, but now it's a gift store, if memory serves. Not far from here there also used to be a corner news stand I used to love to go to, where they always had the newest editions of all the comics I collected. now it's a roadside cappuccino bar. Go figure.

16) The Honey I Shrunk The Kids Movie Set Adventure

I also have no picture of this, as I'm too old to enjoy it, and my kid's not old enough. It's basically a playground made to look like the GIGANTIC backyard set from the movie. Giant ants, grass, lego blocks, and so on. It was built long after I was a little kid, so I've never been able to take part, but it sure looks like a lot of fun... Ah, to be seven again.

And finally:

17) Walt Disney: One Man's Dream

This is a museum of Walt's life, and is one of my favorite attractions here. It's all motion sensored. As you walk up to an exhibit, a voice recording of Walt comes on that has to do with the topic. They have his grade school desk, and cool shit like this:

Yep, the original Abe Lincoln robot, with his skin ripped off. Good times folks, good times.

Welp, that's it really. Small park, but still fun. I just hope they add a lot more to it as time goes on. Ride wise, Universal is kicking its ass, especially with the new Mummy coaster (that killed a guy recently, by the by.) next week, we do Animal Kingdom!

As always, have a magical fuckin' day!