7th Rewind: March 6th-12th
Posted by Anzie Corgan on March 14, 2005
You know, writing introductions week after week gets rather cliché after a while, especially when you’re not good at them like me. Every time I start the 7th Rewind I try to open with humorous one-liners. This week my attitude is “fuck it!” I’m tired, I’m hungry, and to be honest I didn’t even want to write this article. So I decided to let my good old friend James write this 7th rewind for me. I hope you enjoy it.
-Anzie Corgan
Welcome to this week as it is rewinded! My name is James, Anzie’s friend from Alaska, and you may remember me from my article How To Begin Your Internet Writing Career. I’m here today to talk to you about some of the things that happened this week, because Anzie is to lazy to do them himself. To start with why this week is so cool I’m going to tell you about me (BECAUSE I AM SO COOL LOL! NO I’M JUST KIDDING.). This week was great, work was good, me and my Diane are back together now and we had great sex, and the gas prices were only slightly higher. My girlfriend has got such a hot body, you know? On Monday I was all watching Raw and she was all like fixing me food, and then she came in and made me some pasta. FUCK YEAH! She is much much great. So anyway, the next thing to happen was my friends came over and we went to the bar and got drunk and then I got all sick in the back seat of my friends car, fun time you know? But let us get down to business, am I write?
This week was great for watching the OC you know because they had the Star Wars Episode Three trailer at the end of the show. This was great because I love the OC and I like totally love Star Wars and I want Hayden Christensen (if that’s how you spell his name) to be a bad mother fucking Darth Vader and all. But yeah I like watching the OC because that one girl with the blonde hair she is so hot and she like made out with that other girl and it was fucking kick ass you know? They were all like getting lesbo and shit. Oh, Anzie emailed me here something I’m supposed to do with the article so I guess I’ll do that now.
The show about Orange County in the state of California
The Good:
-Mad lesbo action is much much hot to see. You don’t see a lot of hot lesbians making out where I live so very good to see.
-Star Wars trailer at the end made me want to spooge in my pants. Good time.
-That guy with the black hair is super funny, you know?
-Good show about the way people really live in California. My friend went to California and she said that shit is the way people act there. I want to live there now.
The Suck:
-More hot lesbo action!!!!
-I had to go walk the dog in the middle of the show because my girlfriend made me. BUMMER!!
-WTF like way to much with the commercials man!
-I kinda hope I’m doing this right because I accidentally delated Anzie’s email. HEHE.
-MORE LESBIANS!! You can never have enough lesbians.
PARIS HILTON HAS CRAZY LOUD SEX!!!
The Good:
-I saw her sex tape and she is hot! I want to take A1 BBQ sauce and smear it all over her body and lick it off really slowly then I want to see if I can get a three-way with her and Diane my girlfriend.
-PARIS HILTON IS A MAJOR SLUT WHO WHOULD TOTALLY DO ME!
-Diane doesn’t mind when I imagine she’s Paris Hilton during sex.
-BAAAAAWG!
The Suck:
-She wasn’t screwing me.
-Having security knock at your door is major hard on killer.
-I didn’t get to see it. Instead I was home watching Adult Swim, DAMMIT!
- My girlfriend got mad when I jacked off to pictures of Lita from the WWE. BIG BUMMER!
-I spilt coffee on crotch and had to go to
the hospital, it hurts to wank it.
The Rock is much much gay!!! And not like happy!
Okay so I’m watching Ellen like any regular heterosexual male would do, right? And the Rock is on and he’s all talking about himself and well he said something about being gay, and I was all like, “WHAT? THE ROCK IS GAY?! THIS IS SO NOT HAPPNIN!” You know?
The Good:
-The Rock is gay? But he was all up on that Chick in the Scorpion King like WTF!
-But wait he’s all badass and not like it up the ass!
-Personally I think the Rock is lying because he is mad hot and gay people are ugly.
The Suckz:
-If he is gay that means he likes it up the ass which is not cool, because the ass is not meant to be used for that unless your with your hot supermodel girlfriend and she is all like, “yeah I like it in the butt” and you’re all like “okay sweet!” Yeah that happened to me onetime at a party. But don’t tell Diane because she doesn’t know.
-I AM MUCH STUPID! DIANE IS READING WHAT I AM TYPING! DAMMIT! JkHDJHJFS NIND SO- This is Diane. James is a pompous ass and a slob. Living with him is like living with a pig. The only reason I’m living with this beast is because his loaded father provides us with enough money that I don’t have to get a job. Little does he know that when he’s at work I cheat on him with our next door neighbor. Okay that was all I wanted to say.
-THAT WAS REALLY MEAN DIANE! Oh course she’s just joking though. She does that from time to time.
-Okay onto the next thing!
Dan Rather Retires From Doing The News That He’s Been Doing For A Long Time
After about a billion years of doing the news anchorman Dan rather quit his job because he was all not liking it or
something.
The Good Part or something:
-I could care less.
-He liked to frown way to much, you know?
-Blah Blah Blah, no wonder Anzie wanted me to do this, this is much much boring and gay! I think I’ll make this interesting.
OLD NAVY BURMUDA SHORTS!
I saw this commercial on the television last night and it made me laugh. HAHA
The Good:
DANCE!
-Prices start as low as $12.50!
-Old Navy is your destination for summer fun!
The Sucky Part:
-“You’re going to wear them forever!” NO REALLY!
-It’s to damn cold in Alaska to wear shorts this time of year.
Michael Jackson and his PJs
So like Michael Jackson doesn’t show up to court and like the judge threatens that he’ll arrest him if he doesn’t come. So Michael shows up dressed in his pajamas and a buttoned sports coat.
What was good about this whole thing:
-Mike’s got the right idea. If I could I would where my limited edition WCW Sting pajamas everywhere I went. Mmm Sting.
-If your going to make a fashion statement you might as well do it in the court when the media is watching.
-I need a piece of pizza.
-I got a piece of pizza.
The Thing that is not so much good about this whole thing:
-He was all like molesting those boys and so dressing like you just got out of bed must be really weird to other people
-He seems kinda gay you know?
-Everytime I see him his nose is ant bite! What is the deal with that huh?
-Michel Jackson is craaaaaazy!!! I don’t know if you know but he used to be all cool but now he’s all like insane like woah!
-This is kinda the part where I go to the end of the article, olkay?
So this brings us to the end of the week. Me and Diane are back together and I’m happy because she likes me a lot. Make sure to totally check out my website or email me at supercooljames@yahoo.com. Oh, by the way last night I totally downloaded 3 La Blue Girl episodes and they totally rocked! James Wilbert out!
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