WWE RAW Reflections: 08/10/2007
Posted by Al Creed on October 09, 2007

-Hey hey. Hey. You know what time it is, I know what time it is, It’s time for the RAW Reflections! Yay? YAY!

-Also, while I write this, I’m listening to the Foo Fighters’ new Album, “Echoes, Silence, Patience and Grace.” If you like the Foos, or good music in general, I highly recommend it!

-Oh joy! We start of RAW with a Vince McMahon promo! Golly gee, I can’t remember the last time we heard Vince come out and speak for a long period of time. He should REALLY do it more often… AND HE’S JOINED BY THE H’S! SWELL! We get to hear BOTH of them talk about how it took THREE matches to defeat Triple H cleanly! I have a serious question. Whatever happened to starting RAW with these video packages? Why did they just suddenly have people introduce them 3 minutes after the show starts? Also also, I’m getting flashbacks of 2000 here, what with the lopsided booking of handicap matches.

-Back from commercial, your NEEEEEEEEEEEW Women’s Champion, Beth Phoenix, has new music. I don’t know if I like it or not yet. I know I don’t hate it. Anyway, It’s your routine, obligatory Diva match of the week! This week, they decided to cram ALL the divas into one match, with all the faces colour-coordinating their outfits. It wasn’t a terrible match, but it wasn’t no showstealer, either. HOWEVER, the Women’s division is improving at varying degrees.

-In an EXPERT example of how to book Regal as the Commish… I mean, “General Manager” of RAW, he totally delegated the unseemly task of looking after the Leprechaun to Coachman, like he should. Regal has more important things to worry about. Like decorating his “Office” with pictures to remind the audience at home that, yes indeed, Regal IS from England. Also, I LOVED the glare Regal shot at Coachman when he made his stupid and weak gay joke. OH, and The Leprechaun is missing, again. Seriously, why don’t they just buy a pet carrier for it? They already treat the Leprechaun as SubHuman already, why stop now?

-OH GOD NO, IT’S EUROTRASH SUPERSTAR. Ok, apparently he got all his wrestling gear on, made his way down to the ring, awaited his opponent, Val Venis. to come out, made a stereotypical pass at Lillian (even though he'’ supposed to be with Maria...?)… and THEN suddenly remembers he’s to busy to wrestle tonight, and springs OH GOOD GOD NO!!! Snitsky. I know this was supposed to be a heel trap, but it was poorly sold and poorly executed. Bloody foreigners can’t do ANYTHING right. I have to say, though, Snitsky looks even more disgusting than he did before he got suspended.

-I’m not commenting on the finish of the match, because it should be self-evident. Snitsky vs Val Venis. BUT, Val can sell an injury like a motherfucker, can’t he?

-OMG VIRAL TAKEOVER NO! GIMMIE BACK MY TELEVISION, JERICHO!!!

-…Ok, WHAT the FUCK. John Cena is injured, out for a YEAR. A YEAR. And the first RAW after his surgery, he’s RIGHT back on television, talking. Could they have held off on this interview a few weeks? I mean, in theory, the idea is deliciously old school, but all Cena bias aside, they could have at least waited a week or two. We JUST saw him get legitimately injured last week, at least sell it.

-The WWE Title Handicap match (ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww….) between the H’s and Orton & Umaga was ugly. Just plain ugly. I was legitimately scared that they would hotshot The H’s the Title AGAIN. Several times, actually. Umaga caused the DQ, and proceeded to SQUASH THE FUCK out of the H’s, which only means he’s going to get it twice as bad when the feud comes to an end. But, for the moment, Umaga beating the piss out of Hunnar was fun… Until…

-They sold it like the Refs were pulling Triple H off the fucking Cross. Like, did they have to show the H’s being carried away in its ENTIRETY? Like, we get the point, Umaga fucked him up, and fucked him up BAD. But couldn’t they have shown the Refs carrying him away on a “DURING THE BREAK” segment they usually use for injury angles? Oh, I guess since it’s HHHe-Man, he DESERVES to eat up a good, solid 6-8 minutes of airtime holding on to the refs as they drag his dickish carcass up the ramp. We could have had another match in the amount of time this segment ate up.

-Talk about Ugly Matches. The Highlanders (who are SO OBVIOUSLY Heels now, with the absense of their antics and addiction of Black Kilts) and Londrick just did not click tonight. It was about as awkward and poorly-timed as two preteens making out for the first time. I don’t know why, either. Both are pretty decent in their own right.

-You’d think a guy backstage at a WWE television show would have at LEAST heard of Hornswoggle. I guess not. I mean, it’s not like the little guy was just thrusted into a major storyline with the famous owner of the company a short (heh…) while ago, or anything… Also, Cody Rhodes, leave comedy to the professionals. PLEASE, don’t try this at home.

-Speaking of which… COMMERCIAL: We get ANOTHER Heel doing a “Please don’t Try This At Home” spot. Not only that, it’s Elijah Burke, a Heel from the brand that piggybacks on the good name of a promotion that would have NEVER ran these stupid spots. What I hate about these commercials is that they completely delegitimize Pro Wrestling with one simple phrase: “We’re trained to do these moves safely.” Wow, way to suspend my disbelief there. I know most kids are pretty naïve when it comes to determining reality from fantasy, but c’mon!

-Talk about your wasted time. At least the melodramatic ascension of the H’s to the Hospital (presumably) had something to do with wrestling. WWE just gave Lillian time (like they haven’t given her ENOUGH) to promote her album that appeals to a VERY SMALL percentage of WWE’s demographic (you know, the ones who’d be interested in buying Brooke Hogan’s album). The scary thing is, the fans actually seemed to love it. I can only hope it was because the fans in attendance just have nice manners, applause out of respect. I can deal with that. Also, I should note, I was totally anticipating Mr. Kennedy to interrupt things. Considering the response the song got, THAT would have created killer heat. Oh well.

-IMMEDIATELY following the song, Eurotrash Superstar comes back out (I thought he was busy tonight?) and sings a mildly funny song about how he hates “The Condemned.” Seriously, this is all ending with a Stunner.

COMMERCIAL: The Condemned. I gotta comment on something. For MONTHS, Austin has plugged his character as “someone who doesn’t come out and wave the flag and say ‘HEY! I’M THE GOOD GUY!’” When’s the last time you saw a movie character do THAT? Oh, wow, a movie protagonist that has an attitude? NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE.

-NICE, NICE match between Kennedy and Jeff Hardy. It started out slow, but it picked up steam, and the end sequence was nicely done. It made both guys look good, even though Jeffy didn’t seem to nail a big high spot. Kennedy selling the surprise loss could have been sold just a little more bombastically, but it was alright. Also, notice the dueling chants, that it seems that the ones chanting for Kennedy seem to have more base in their collective voices? I did.

-In the back, Vince is all upset that Regal may have lost his Leprechaun, but he was sleeping in a box in Regal’s office the whole night. GAW, ISSA TI-URD WIDDLE CULTWY INSENSITIVE STEWEOTYPE, ISN’T HIM?? Segment ends with Hornswoggle suddenly turning spastic and attacking the Coach with a Cane. Kinda funny.

-In our Main Event promo…. The entire RAW Roster is going to shake the hand of their NEW Champion, RANDY ORTON (Who is STILL WEARING that fucking hideous Spinner Belt, I should mention. It even has his NAME on it. Ugh). BUTWAIT! We can’t start yet! The H’s is supposed to shake his hand first, but he’s nowhere to be found! Go get’im Randy! OH SHIT! LOOK OUT! IT’S “SKINNER” STEVE KEIRN!! No, wait, It’s HBK. OH SHIT! LOOK OUT!!! IT’S SHAWN MICHAELS! AND HE LOOKS GRUMPY! Really, a GREAT way to bring back Shawn Michaels, and a nice surprise to cap off RAW. It probably would have been even cooler if he wasn’t wearing Skinner’s costume, and actual people clothes, but that’s just me. I’m just glad that it’s him, and not the H’s, feuding for the World Title.

-All in All… I’ll be damned. I’ll be GOD damned. HBK came back. REAL nice surprise. Great timing for it, too. Very uncharacteristic of WWE Creative. Anyway, while I don’t think HBK will “save” RAW (I think this kind of disproves his connection to the SAVE_US viral campaign, as his return and the ad that was shown earlier tonight seem disconnected), It’s good that the Main Event scene gets some sprucing up. And considering the absence of John Cena, WWE needs a sympathetic babyface to sell T-Shirts for the next year. Just saying is all.

-As for the show? On its own, it was above average. The pros (HBK’s return, the main event, the surprisingly not-bad Diva’s match, Umaga beating the shit out of the H’s) outweighed the Cons (The H’s overly-exaggerated injury angle, Snitsky’s return, that bad Tag Match, Lillian’s unnecessary concert). Compared to last month’s continuum of BAD television, this show was a breath of fresh air.

-Just wait until Jericho comes back and truly saves us.

-END

Al Creed’s WWE RAW Reflections is a satirical and analytical review of WWE RAW, and should never be taken as a serious or legitimate attempt at reporting. WWE RAW Reflections can be read on TCR Comix, ClassicFigs.Com, and The 7th Level.