I'd be be downright ambivalent, were it not for my seething anger.

Better late than never...

Oh Sonic, how far ye have fallen. And without rings.

Yeah I know, only took me a year!

With Christmas season coming up, I take a stab at the three newest game consoles and pass my thoughts and sage advice onto you, the consumer!

Professional game reviewers can kiss my ass.

Yes friends, after a long absence, I'm getting back into the game review business... mainly because Morphine Jim has become a hipster online shock jock, but mostly because I love gaming... yeah.

This one is dedicated to all the suckers that are wasting their money next month.

Tired of waiting for Final Fantasy 12? I'll help you make your own. Follow my simple step-by-step instructions. NOW! I COMMAND YOU!

Two wheels of suck

Accidental face punches AHOY!

The Search for the Half Naked Ninja

A true case by case story of how I kicked the Street Fighters' asses.

Join me on a journey that tells the tale of what Nintendo claims "never happened". Luigi in a dress? Pics inside!

CapDis. That is the only thing I can think of when I try to put Capcom and Disney together. However, when Nintendo did it, they spawned some of the greatest 8 bit orgasms ever. I'm guilty of pleasuring myself to these games.

Video games, siblings, and growing up.

Justin from Dyslexic Penguin asked me to pop my two cents into this E/N diatribe against crappy pixelized pugilists. ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?

I've decided to play some catch up on our game reviews section, so I'll start with the first RPG for the Playstation Portable.

This past week I decided to become a paper girl and throw newspapers at people. AND BOY WHAT WACKY ADVENTURES DID I GO ON. Gee wiz!

Or more simply why you shouldn't let your little cousin play your games.

In a column that for once ISN'T from my archives, I present to you a brand NEW videogame review. Shame it's written by that prick Raiden from Metal Gear Solid 2. Sorry :(

Robot carnage = Bloody brilliant.

There are those who feel safest in the light, and those who feel safest in the dark. Which are you, Torque?

The first of Nippon Ichi's cult strategy RPGs hit Europe's shores last year. Praise be to the good Lord that it did, because this is one of the neatest gaming experiences EVA!

SAMURAI SLASH! SAMURAI KICK! Smack the Hell out of Nobunaga's evil forces for the third installment in Capcom's soul sucking, demon stabbing, token-gay-guy spotting adventure.

Punch. Kick. It's all in the mind.

A racially informed and sensitive review of Grand Theft Auto: Black Andreas. I love all those types of people.

The Christmas mood is soured somewhat by a rather more sinister presence. Welcome to the fourth installment of the Silent Hill franchise, yet another disturbed, nightmarish chapter for the claustraphobe in all of us. Welcome to The Room.

Who the fuck is this lady? Tell me dammit, I must know! How am I supposed to type random words and phrases when I can’t ignore this mannequin-esque looking black woman?

Well, Sommers and his friends at Vivendi/Universal have done it again. Only this time, instead of ripping off Vampire Hunter D (the video game of which was a poor man's Resident Evil), they've ripped off Devil May Cry, which is a high crime in and of itself...

Submitted for your approval: a case study in mediocrity. Drakengard, a game for PS2 that is neither an epic shooter ala Panzer Dragoon, nor a bone crushing 3D battlethon like Dynasty Warriors... yet is comprised mostly of stolen bits from both. A form of flattery, or the video game equivalent of the Frankenstien Monster? You be the judge... Well actually, I'll be the judge, but you know what I'm sayin', G.

When I still worked for Disney, my GBA was one of the few things that broke the monotony... well, that and insulting DRC Head Honcho George Kalogridis behind his back...