"Teacher says every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings."
Here at God we have reigned as the almighty creator and ruler of the universe since the beginning of time. We made the universe in seven days and saved our chosen people from slavery. And now we want you! We, God, have previously employed such infamous prophets and leaders as Abraham, Moses, Noah, David, and many, many more. We are the most globally popular one and only God. Our most renowned accomplishments include: flooding the Earth for forty days and forty nights, bringing down the walls of Jericho, and of course, Jesus Christ. WE ARE IN NEED OF YOUR HELP! Billions of prayers are answered a day, we need you to help carry out these wishes. If you’re ready for a full
-time career of angelic proportions, you can help us fight the forces of Satan in the innocent souls of man. (GET IT, IT WAS A JOKE. ANGELIC, ANGEL . . . COME ON GUYS, WE’'RE THE ALMIGHTY GOD HERE! THE LEAST YOU CAN DO IS LAUGH!)
Guardian Angel
Needed Angel to answer prayer. There have been hundreds of prayers in the Bedford Falls region for a man named George Bailey. At 10:45 PM George will consider killing himself. His Uncle Billy misplaced the money the family bank (The Bailey Brothers and Loan) needed to keep from foreclosure. Uncle Billy and he have poured every last bit of their money and strength into keeping their bank in business against the evil Henry F. Potter. He's a family man, who loves his wife, Mary Hatch Bailey, and his children; Janie, Zuzu, Peter, and Tommy. His brother Harry went off to war and received the Medal of Honor. George Bailey's a good man who once had dreams of becoming an explorer and sailing the seas, unfortunately he was never able to leave his small town of Bedford Falls. As a child he lost his hearing in his left ear after jumping into a frozen lake to save his kid brother Harry. An honest and giving man, he will always go out of his way to aid someone who is in need of help. We are in need of an angel who can show George Bailey what life in Bedford Falls would be like without him, and to prove to him that he really does have a wonderful life.
Requirements include:
-Must be a member of the Angel 2nd Class
-The soul of a child
-Over one hundred and fifty years of age
-A loving personality
-Good communication skills
We, God, are looking for absolute faithfulness and love. As your creator all we ask for is a loving relationship with you. Do not fear us, or doubt us, but love us, and you will live eternally in our house. We offer a rich array of benefits for our guardian angels including separate living facilities, whiter ropes, optional room service, and the opportunity to get your wings!. Unfortunately we do not give employee discounts, or wages of monitory value, however all our angels are paid in heavenly merits.
To apply email God at http://www.yahwea/job/angel.com
*** All applicants must be legally dead. Thank you.
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