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| The Thorn |
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| Company: |
Self-Employed |
Location: |
Haddonfield, Illinois |
| Job Category: |
Serial Killer |
Relevant Work Experience: |
None |
| Career Level: |
Deranged Psycho |
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Use the employer's preferred method to send your resume - click Apply Now! |
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The Trick Is To Stay Alive.
Welcome to Haddonfield Illinois, one of Chicago's greatest
suburbs. We're sure you'll feel right at home. We know what it's like to be an
escaped mental patient on the run. Feeling scared and alone. We don't blame you
for coming back to your hometown to find solace even if you are of the mentally
ill persuasion.
WANTED: an independent and hard working psychopath to kill off own bloodline. All applicants must be in shape and in fit condition. A strong liking of kitchenware is strongly encouraged as well. As a self employed "artist" you'll set up shop in your old childhood home where you'll scope out the neighborhood. You're strongly advised to go shopping for a disguise preferably one that won't bring Dr.
Loomis' attention to you ( i.e. a Captain Kirk mask..).
We know what you're thinking and trust us, if you tilt your head
sideways and squint slightly you can see the resemblance of Captain Kirk . . .
look it's not like anyone is going care anyway. You can kill the Halloween
storeowner later.
Haddonfield isn't the most happening place in the Chicago metro
area but it is called home by a good handful of young, naive babysitters, if
you know what we mean? *nudge nudge* They just love the silent type.
Requirements include:
-Being an active member of the undead
-A primal urge to kill your family and one Laurie Strode
-The ability to be omnipresent in times of a thunderstorm
-A love of improvisational weapons such as telephone cords
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