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| The Headless Horseman |
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| Company: |
Sleepy Hollow Inc. |
Location: |
Sleepy Hollow |
| Job Category: |
Security, Local Legend |
Relevant Work Experience: |
None, Riding A Horse While Headless . . . Kind Of |
| Career Level: |
Evil Folk Character Come To Life |
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Use the employer's preferred method to send your resume - click Apply Now! |
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Lanky School Teachers Creeping Up On Your Woman? NO PROBLEM!
Established in 1640, the wonderful settlement of Sleepy Hollow was founded on the banks of the Hudson River and is conveniently located just north of Tarrytown in New York. Built to serve both the farming and the retiree community, Sleepy Hollow was founded to serve any range of settlers. We have everything to accommodate your settling needs including a townhouse, a schoolyard, and adequate farming land. Come and enjoy the fun of settling in one of England's greatest providences!
The Headless Horseman
So you're a large, somewhat brutish antagonist. Your girl is bei
ng wooed by a humble, polite, and all around nice schoolteacher by the name of Ichabod Crane, and you want this bitch to step off before he makes you play the fool. Am I correct? Well that's where we come in! As the founders of this great colony we understand how you feel.
As a headless security officer you'll be able to strike fear into the hearts of schoolteachers and villagers alike keeping them out of the forest so they won't realize that they're actually living in a horribly constructed M. Night Shyamalan movie . . . wait shit . . . never mind. As an employee you'll have the ability to look menacing and scary while still being able to enjoy the wonderful thrills of equestrian activities. We will provide you with everything that you need. This includes: a pair of gloves; a giant cloak that waves in the wind; and a flaming jack-o-lantern of a head. Unfortunately we will not be able to provide you with a house but we do have a healthy trade economy with near by Terry Town if you're looking for a reasonably priced ride. All of our employees are provided with an extensive two-year health insurance plan that covers everything from falling off your horse to colliding with nature ( i.e. due to visual impairment). As a headless rider you'll able to enjoy a flexible high-paying career all while you LIVE the legend of Sleepy Hollow.
Requirements include:
-The ability to ride a horse with a visual impairment
-A deep and sinister sounding voice
-An infatuation with one Katrina Van Tassel
-A background of American Romantic Literature
"Come and prove your male dominance by indirectly scaring off the male suitor of the woman you love by dressing up as a village legend in the middle of the night." Now sit back take a deep breath and say this sentence out loud. If you haven't passed out please feel free to sit back and laugh at this run on sentence.
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