"Oh, that was fun; I love riding in cars. When did you move to Florida?"
Fat and Old In-law’s have been sending spouse’s parents home for the holidays for years. Often times, unexpectedly our in-laws appear at your door with little or no prior warning! Usually baring knitted items and inedible fruit cakes, our patrons embody the Christmas spirit. Enjoy endless bickering? Well, then you’re in luck, our in-laws can be ordered in pairs! Our in-laws have been thoroughly trained in such areas as confused banter, over-eating, sloth, and cynical behavior. No family holiday is complete without an in-law, so order one today!
Annoying/Lazy in-law
Let’s face it … you’re old and good at bugging people. One on one, you love your daughter very much. But you’re not the most motivated guy when it comes to dealing with your offspring’s spouse; you lack the enthusiasm and cheer that that’s necessary to for the holiday season. Because lets face it, he’s a failure and a slob.
So what do you do? Avoid spending Christmas with your daughter and her idiot-brained husband? No! Show up for and unexpected visit and you’ll be guaranteed to see that cheerful look on his face disappear. Uniforms are not required, although clothes are preferably tacky and clashing in color. You will be given a pointless gift of some sort, ranging from fruitcakes to horrible Christmas cards to wrap and give to your family.
We provide all our in-laws with only the best benefits. All hired in-law’s are covered by our Medicare and funeral plans, and will receive benefits on all prescription drugs. While on the job you will be monitored at all times in case of an emergency. Our emergency response team will be there in minutes to provide medical assistance in case of choking, heart attack, stroke, or attempted poisoning on behalf of your son-in-law. We’re here to make sure that you’ll live another day to irritate your son-in-law.
Requirements include:
-Old and decrepit
-A tendency to watch Andy Griffith reruns
-Overactive bowels
-A propensity to fall asleep on the living room couch
-Snore loud
-Covered by previous health plan
-Must smell of Gerber baby food or over excessive amounts of “Grandma Perfume”
-No sense of time whatsoever
-Puts salt on all kinds of food
-Asks inappropriate questions at the dinner table
-Morbidly obese (optional)
Here at FOI we do our best to spread the holiday cheer by bringing the family together. So why not grab some eggnog and gather round the ole Yule Tide Log and listen to you’re father-in-law tell your kids about how much of a moron their mother was to marry you. Merry Christmas from Fat and Old in-laws.
TO APPLY please contact us at: www.wrinklyholidays.com
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