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| Santa Claus |
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| Company: |
North Pole Toy Making & Distribution |
Location: |
North Pole |
Salary/Wage: |
Children’s Smiles/Milk and Cookies |
| Job Category: |
Transportation and Warehousing |
Relevant Work Experience: |
1+ to 2 years of Aviation School |
Status: |
Full Time Employee |
| Career Level: |
CEO, Director |
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Use the employer's preferred method to send your resume - click Apply Now! |
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He’s making a list and checking it twice . . .
North Pole has been making and distributing toys since the Romans declared the winter solstice a Christian holiday. Our goal is to bring all the children of the world presents on Christmas Eve (This of course excludes all children whose parents have insufficient income and/or are Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Scientoligist, or any religion not pertaining to Christianity). Be it rain, wind, or snow we will never fail to deliver your child’s present. Located at exactly 90o latitude and 0o longitude, our head quarters runs billions of covert deliveries each year. We use the latest, most technologically advanced reindeer powered sleighs in the world, and we guarantee delivery by morning. Our ideal candidate is a devoted worker who enjoys cold weather and making toys.
NEEDED SANTA CLAUS:
Round, merry, jolly old man. Must be an older male in his sixties to seventies. Must like children. Candidates must have the following traits:
(From bottom to top)
1.) Beady Eyes:Useful for vision in snow storms without goggles. Must have frightening resemblance of David of the Gnome's.
2.) ZZ Top Beard:Good for hiding identity . . . and cookie crumbs. An absolute must have.
3.) Strong Shoulders:Useful for controlling the reigns of the slay.
4.) Short Stubby Fingers:Perfect for hand crafting toys.
5.)Stomach:Fueled by one too many Krispy Kreme doughnuts, a large midsection is truly the epitome of our ideal endomorph. Good for hearty jokes.
6.)Good Knees:All Candidates are required to do daily lower body exercises to prevent strains, sprains, and cramps. Any candidates that have had past cases of arthritis should talk to their physician before applying.
As Santa Claus, you must know the meaning of hard work and solid training. A whole global commercial network wants you to represent them this holiday season. This is a company with a strong pipeline and outstanding career opportunities in this massively publicized holiday. We do not offer training, or career development, but being the center of a multibillion-dollar corporate holiday has its perks.
At The North Pole, our most important asset is commercialization. We place a high value on the advertising and marketability. We will do anything to get your fat face on a can of Coca-Cola. And posing with children can’t hurt. We offer a rich array of benefits including stock shares and your own personal refrigerator. So if you ever dreamed of being America’s modern day messiah then this is the job for you.
TO APPLY complete our online interview at www.northpole/hohohelpwanted.com
*** only applicants who complete the interview will be considred. Thank you.
TheNorthPole.com
Equal Opportunity Employer
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