Trick Or Treat Smell My Feet; Give Me Something Good To Eat!
Ah it's a wonderful time of year! A time when children of all ages
consume more candy then humanly possible and candy companies become almost as
economically beneficial as the petroleum industry. Yes it's Halloween my
friends, and we at Festive Annoyances are here to make sure you get the most
out of your corporate holiday.
Trick Or Treater
Do you like candy? Tormenting your elders? Dressing up in flamboyant costumes?
Of course you do, and that's why we're here to help you cash in on this amazing enterprise! Go ahead and forget everything that your teacher told you about the history of Halloween. Christianity killed off paganism and its rituals thousands of years ago, so fuck it! All you need to care about is filling your pillowcase full of candy. Am I right?
As a trick or treater you'll go door to door begging for candy as if you were a starved orphan. Motivated by nothing more then a pure lust for saturated fat and glucose you'll down an uncomfortable costume and drench your body in paint in order to look like such influential role models as Darth Maul and that guy from YuGiOh. As a trick or treater you'll be able to not only dress like a character from a children's television show BUT you'll be able to keep you're dignity safe and get a copious amount of candy to boot. All employees will be provided with an empty pillowcase for the storage of collected candies, a backpack to conceal multiple cartons of eggs and toilet paper rolls, and a toothbrush to prevent your teeth from rotting out of your head after you eat all of your candy . . . AHAHAHAHA psych! Honestly who do you think we are, your dentist?
Requirements include:
-A love of high blood sugar levels
-The ability to teepee tall trees
-A high screechy voice
-An overextended and hyperactive nature
Here at Festive Annoyances we value the tradition of Halloween all while progressively making it less bearable year by year. So come reap the benefits of this wonderful holiday while learning the true meaning of sharing by raping others of their overpriced candy.
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